At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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