can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he thought i was a dude.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
