I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
