Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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