It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
