If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
