so let's talk penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
