were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
