I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
