These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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