I just cut my nipple shaving
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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