There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
