i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
