I'm gonna have a badass scar
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
