I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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