i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
