loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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