actually, I'm a sock model
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize