i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Pooping to opera.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
