How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
