If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
