Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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