yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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