I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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