I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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