I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
