I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
