Im at strip club and am horny
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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