Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
