My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
