I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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