Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
