why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
