I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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