Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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