I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
