We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
