with your own penis?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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