Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
