it was like eating out sand paper
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
