DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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