Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
