first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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