she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
