Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
