Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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