absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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