So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
