I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
