corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
