I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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