So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
