you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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