At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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