Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
