Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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