just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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