Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
