I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
