last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
