we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
