Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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