Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
