Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
