All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
