My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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